1 00:01:25,717 --> 00:01:27,685 Right. 2 00:01:46,905 --> 00:01:50,341 Twelve minutes to midnight? 3 00:01:50,442 --> 00:01:54,276 Twelve minutes to midnight. 4 00:01:58,283 --> 00:02:00,251 One if by land. 5 00:02:02,554 --> 00:02:04,522 I see. 6 00:02:09,427 --> 00:02:11,759 Midtown Park. 7 00:02:11,863 --> 00:02:13,831 Midtown Park? 8 00:02:37,489 --> 00:02:39,389 416 Commerce Street. 9 00:02:39,491 --> 00:02:41,721 I'm beginning to wonder, is this gonna be a case or a scavenger hunt? 10 00:02:41,826 --> 00:02:44,226 You promised Mr. "X" we'd meet with him. 11 00:02:44,329 --> 00:02:48,288 Yes. Well, any man who calls himself Mr. "X" deserves to be stood up. 12 00:03:09,554 --> 00:03:12,079 All very mysterious. 13 00:03:12,190 --> 00:03:15,682 My stock in trade, Miss Holt. 14 00:03:15,794 --> 00:03:18,592 Mr. "X", I presume? 15 00:03:18,697 --> 00:03:21,131 Well, yes. 16 00:03:21,233 --> 00:03:26,034 I was certain, once I had made those credit card commercials, everyone would recognize me. 17 00:03:27,239 --> 00:03:29,730 Of course! Richard Laidlaw. 18 00:03:29,841 --> 00:03:32,810 Three-inch mystery novels with three-word titles. 19 00:03:32,911 --> 00:03:35,573 The Laidlaw logo. 20 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,046 Once around the slum, Mr. Steele? 21 00:03:44,489 --> 00:03:48,050 I'm the president of the American Mystery Writers Guild. 22 00:03:48,159 --> 00:03:50,320 I don't mean to spoil your ending, Mr. Laidlaw... 23 00:03:50,428 --> 00:03:52,328 but why all the mystery tonight? 24 00:03:52,430 --> 00:03:55,490 Someone's embezzled our guild treasury. 25 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,500 Nearly a million dollars! 26 00:03:57,602 --> 00:04:00,935 - Have you called the police? - No police. 27 00:04:01,039 --> 00:04:04,031 - Laidlaw's law. - Embarrassed? 28 00:04:04,142 --> 00:04:06,702 A group of mystery writers, and they can't solve the crime. 29 00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:11,248 Scratch "embarrassed. " Try "discouraged. " 30 00:04:13,351 --> 00:04:18,687 A million dollars is quite a treasury for a guild of mystery writers. 31 00:04:18,790 --> 00:04:23,853 - Last year it was 312 dollars and 43 cents. - Mmm. 32 00:04:23,962 --> 00:04:27,864 A few months ago, an old-timer, Gil Fox- 33 00:04:27,966 --> 00:04:30,230 hadn't sold a book in years- 34 00:04:30,335 --> 00:04:33,862 suddenly got a seven-figure offer for film rights... 35 00:04:33,972 --> 00:04:36,702 to a series of sci-fi novels... 36 00:04:36,808 --> 00:04:40,209 about a Martian who works for a small-town police force. 37 00:04:40,312 --> 00:04:42,041 Mmm, the stuff of epics, isn't it? 38 00:04:42,147 --> 00:04:46,277 The night Gil Fox signed his contract, he died. 39 00:04:46,384 --> 00:04:50,252 - How? - A heart attack. 40 00:04:51,556 --> 00:04:54,787 Fox willed his money to the guild... 41 00:04:54,893 --> 00:04:58,590 to tear down our old Victorian, buy the lot next door... 42 00:04:58,697 --> 00:05:03,464 and build a proper headquarters for our organization. 43 00:05:03,568 --> 00:05:07,766 Now, the will was probated, the money paid into the treasury. 44 00:05:07,872 --> 00:05:11,808 A day later, it was taken out again. 45 00:05:11,910 --> 00:05:14,538 Six separate checks... 46 00:05:14,646 --> 00:05:20,209 each one signed by one of the members of the board of directors. 47 00:05:20,318 --> 00:05:22,946 Forgeries? No, I mean... 48 00:05:23,054 --> 00:05:26,080 if you were all in on the embezzlement, you wouldn't be hiring us, would you? 49 00:05:26,191 --> 00:05:29,058 Good point, Mr. Steele. 50 00:05:31,663 --> 00:05:35,463 The checks were all made out to cash and deposited in a Swiss bank account. 51 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,500 - Untraceable? - What else? 52 00:05:37,602 --> 00:05:39,866 - Imaginative. - You know... 53 00:05:39,971 --> 00:05:43,031 all the board members are best-selling authors. 54 00:05:43,141 --> 00:05:45,041 You'd think they'd be too well-heeled to embezzle. 55 00:05:45,143 --> 00:05:48,010 They're the only ones who knew about the million dollars. 56 00:05:48,113 --> 00:05:50,013 It hadn't been announced to the general membership yet. 57 00:05:50,115 --> 00:05:52,640 So, if we're going to catch the forger... 58 00:05:52,751 --> 00:05:54,981 we have to get samples of each one's handwriting. 59 00:05:55,086 --> 00:05:57,577 Mm-hmm. And we have to do it in a cunning, imaginative way. 60 00:05:57,689 --> 00:06:00,658 Oh, yes, this is our chance for immortality. 61 00:06:00,759 --> 00:06:04,695 We solve the case by a bold, brilliant ploy, and they all write books about us. 62 00:06:04,796 --> 00:06:07,264 There's only one problem, Mr. Steele. 63 00:06:07,365 --> 00:06:09,526 We don't have a bold, brilliant ploy. 64 00:06:10,635 --> 00:06:12,660 You've got 30 minutes, Laura. 65 00:06:18,276 --> 00:06:20,767 The Remington Steele Agency, fully conscious... 66 00:06:20,879 --> 00:06:23,473 of the unique honor you've bestowed upon us... 67 00:06:23,581 --> 00:06:27,142 will devote its fullest energies to your every need. 68 00:06:27,252 --> 00:06:30,881 Thank you very much. Oh, and finally... 69 00:06:30,989 --> 00:06:34,720 we at the Steele Agency are your avid fans. 70 00:06:34,826 --> 00:06:37,158 So, if you don't mind, during the social hour... 71 00:06:37,262 --> 00:06:40,390 my staff will pass among you with copies of your books. 72 00:06:40,498 --> 00:06:41,795 Thank you very much. 73 00:06:43,768 --> 00:06:49,035 Most people say I look much younger than this picture. 74 00:06:51,576 --> 00:06:54,204 Yes, yes, yes. Ages, ages. 75 00:06:57,749 --> 00:07:02,049 - What do you call that? - Do-it-yourself orthodontia? 76 00:07:02,153 --> 00:07:05,645 That's Butch Bemis. The Chip Sledge series? 77 00:07:05,757 --> 00:07:10,023 Trash! Illiterate, chauvinist trash! 78 00:07:10,128 --> 00:07:13,859 Degrading to women, degrading to the human race. 79 00:07:13,965 --> 00:07:19,528 - Eighteen million copies, worldwide. - That's a lot of degradation. 80 00:07:19,637 --> 00:07:22,868 But some time ago, before the embezzlement... 81 00:07:22,974 --> 00:07:26,068 he was trying to float a loan on his bull ranch. 82 00:07:26,177 --> 00:07:29,374 - Ah, raises bulls, does he? - Wrestles them. 83 00:07:32,383 --> 00:07:35,147 All right. Walk me through this again. 84 00:07:35,253 --> 00:07:38,051 You used to be an F.B.I. agent, Mr. Grimm? 85 00:07:38,156 --> 00:07:42,217 Thank you. And he put you in Leavenworth, Mr. Nussman? 86 00:07:42,327 --> 00:07:45,626 Call me Alfie. Call him plagiarist. 87 00:07:46,831 --> 00:07:49,061 - Frankly, Miss Crabs, your agency- - Krebs! 88 00:07:49,167 --> 00:07:53,126 Thank goodness. Your agency's going about this all wrong, Miss Krebs. 89 00:07:53,238 --> 00:07:56,730 - There's your culprit. That man has a history of theft. - Ooh! 90 00:07:56,841 --> 00:08:00,106 I stole money. He steals ideas, usually mine... 91 00:08:00,211 --> 00:08:04,272 but he writes them up so badly, he probably needs to steal money too. 92 00:08:04,382 --> 00:08:08,716 - How are sales, Grimm? - Don't worry about me, Miss Crabs- Krebs. 93 00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:12,278 But the only top-10 list Nussman ever made was labeled "Wanted. " 94 00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:19,094 Had I but known, Mr. Steele, that on this fair autumn morn... 95 00:08:19,197 --> 00:08:21,165 destiny would bring us together. 96 00:08:21,266 --> 00:08:23,564 I was very distressed to hear, Miss Cooper, that- 97 00:08:23,668 --> 00:08:26,330 Columbine. 98 00:08:26,437 --> 00:08:29,565 I was very distressed to hear about your problems with the tax people. 99 00:08:29,674 --> 00:08:31,665 How much do they claim you owe them? 100 00:08:31,776 --> 00:08:35,610 - You're going about this all wrong, Mr. Steele. - Oh, really? 101 00:08:35,713 --> 00:08:38,181 If you suspect me of nefarious deeds... 102 00:08:38,283 --> 00:08:41,810 I suggest you take a leaf from Rodney Van Dyke. 103 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,480 - Rodney Van Dyke? - The dark, brooding... 104 00:08:44,589 --> 00:08:47,717 but, beneath it all, tender hero of my latest gothic... 105 00:08:47,825 --> 00:08:50,885 Lust's Lovely Lassitude. 106 00:08:50,995 --> 00:08:54,260 You must pull me to your manly chest... 107 00:08:54,365 --> 00:08:57,562 stare deeply into my lambent eyes... 108 00:08:57,669 --> 00:09:00,934 and then probe me and probe me... 109 00:09:01,039 --> 00:09:04,998 and probe me relentlessly. 110 00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:08,738 Ah, uh, very busy, Miss Cooper. 111 00:09:08,846 --> 00:09:12,282 You know, hours to go before one sleeps and all that. 112 00:09:12,383 --> 00:09:14,681 Had I but known. 113 00:09:18,022 --> 00:09:21,719 If I were you, I'd question Pamela Johns. 114 00:09:21,826 --> 00:09:24,886 She may write those dry English mysteries... 115 00:09:24,996 --> 00:09:30,093 but they do say that, for years, she had a secret affair with Gil Fox. 116 00:09:35,239 --> 00:09:38,538 - Butch Bemis. - Kiss Me to a Pulp. 117 00:09:42,814 --> 00:09:45,078 Sounds right. Trade? 118 00:09:45,183 --> 00:09:47,151 You bet. 119 00:09:52,991 --> 00:09:56,483 Myself and Gil Fox. 120 00:09:56,594 --> 00:09:58,619 Not that I can remember. 121 00:09:58,730 --> 00:10:02,427 - And I do try to remember all my lovers. - Mmm. 122 00:10:02,533 --> 00:10:05,764 Gives a bit more meaning to the experience, does it? 123 00:10:05,870 --> 00:10:09,499 I was frightfully sorry to read about you in the Crime of the Month Club. 124 00:10:09,607 --> 00:10:13,373 - What was that? - They turned down your latest novel... 125 00:10:13,478 --> 00:10:17,744 in favor of the memoirs of that Hollywood mogul. 126 00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:21,182 If you're trying to find the embezzler... 127 00:10:21,285 --> 00:10:25,847 and I assume you are, you're going about it all wrong. 128 00:10:25,957 --> 00:10:28,653 I am? 129 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,888 You should be questioning the other beneficiary of Fox's will. 130 00:10:31,996 --> 00:10:34,726 I didn't know there was another beneficiary. 131 00:10:34,832 --> 00:10:37,300 Oh, sloppy work, Steele. 132 00:10:37,402 --> 00:10:40,894 I'd never let one of my detectives overlook something like that. 133 00:10:41,005 --> 00:10:43,200 Reality can be a dreadful letdown. 134 00:10:43,307 --> 00:10:45,366 Who is the other beneficiary? 135 00:10:45,476 --> 00:10:48,001 A neighbor of Fox's, Maxie Delano. 136 00:10:48,112 --> 00:10:51,639 He was meant to get 100,000, the guild the other nine. 137 00:10:51,749 --> 00:10:54,582 I suspect he felt shortchanged. 138 00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:27,410 If I let my private eye do what you're doing, my readers would barf. 139 00:11:27,518 --> 00:11:29,509 I beg your pardon? 140 00:11:29,620 --> 00:11:33,488 Eavesdropping on the extension? Amateur night, baby. 141 00:11:33,591 --> 00:11:35,821 Might I remind you, Mr. Bemis... 142 00:11:35,927 --> 00:11:38,953 that you people are under scrutiny, not I. 143 00:11:39,063 --> 00:11:41,190 And I got the distinct impression from that phone call... 144 00:11:41,299 --> 00:11:45,463 that you've lost a lot of money financing a television series based on your books. 145 00:11:45,570 --> 00:11:47,504 Well? 146 00:11:47,605 --> 00:11:49,505 You wouldn't be such a bad-looking broad... 147 00:11:49,607 --> 00:11:52,599 if you did something with your hair, a little makeup. 148 00:11:52,710 --> 00:11:55,907 Why don't you stick to what broads are good for? 149 00:11:57,014 --> 00:11:59,608 You not only look like a Neanderthal... 150 00:11:59,717 --> 00:12:01,617 you think like one. 151 00:12:01,719 --> 00:12:04,051 Right. 152 00:12:12,697 --> 00:12:14,665 Well? 153 00:12:16,467 --> 00:12:18,367 May I have your autograph? 154 00:12:21,639 --> 00:12:23,607 - Chief? - Yep. 155 00:12:23,708 --> 00:12:25,869 I finally got an answer from the coroner's office. 156 00:12:25,977 --> 00:12:28,172 They never did an autopsy on Gil Fox. 157 00:12:28,279 --> 00:12:31,271 I wanna talk to that doctor who signed the death certificate. 158 00:12:33,351 --> 00:12:36,752 - What time's our appointment with the handwriting experts? - Oh, not till 2:30. 159 00:12:41,692 --> 00:12:45,287 Laura, you can drop me off at Fox's old building. 160 00:12:45,396 --> 00:12:47,387 I wanna talk to his neighbors. 161 00:12:48,432 --> 00:12:50,696 Laura? 162 00:13:00,344 --> 00:13:03,245 I'll grab a cab back to the office. 163 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,288 Laura, have you just discovered you have hair? 164 00:13:33,945 --> 00:13:36,470 - Yeah? - I'm looking for Maxie Delano. 165 00:13:36,581 --> 00:13:38,947 - Not anymore, you're not. - Maxine? 166 00:13:39,050 --> 00:13:41,018 Good for you, handsome. 167 00:13:44,689 --> 00:13:48,386 The name's Steele. I'm a private investigator. 168 00:13:50,561 --> 00:13:53,394 I believe you and Gilbert Fox were neighbors. 169 00:13:53,497 --> 00:13:56,295 Yeah, he lived right over there when he didn't live here. 170 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,892 Mmm. And you inherited a hundred thousand dollars from his estate. 171 00:14:00,004 --> 00:14:02,768 - Supposed to inherit it. - What happened? 172 00:14:02,874 --> 00:14:06,241 My money was lumped in with what he gave the Mystery Writers. 173 00:14:06,344 --> 00:14:10,337 He made those birdbrains trustees of my legacy. 174 00:14:10,448 --> 00:14:12,780 - May I ask why? - You could ask. 175 00:14:12,884 --> 00:14:15,944 I can't tell you. Writers are odd ducks. 176 00:14:16,053 --> 00:14:18,021 You don't trust me, do you, Maxie? 177 00:14:18,122 --> 00:14:21,319 Why should I? You shamuses keep knocking at my door... 178 00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:23,450 like you're gonna make everything all right. 179 00:14:23,561 --> 00:14:27,156 - We do? - There was one here last week. 180 00:14:27,265 --> 00:14:29,529 Oh, he was gonna get to the bottom of things. 181 00:14:29,634 --> 00:14:33,536 - Never heard from him again. - What's the name of this, uh, shamus? 182 00:14:33,638 --> 00:14:37,472 I got his card around here somewhere. Uh- 183 00:14:37,575 --> 00:14:39,941 Excuse me. 184 00:14:40,044 --> 00:14:41,978 Hmm. 185 00:15:07,672 --> 00:15:09,640 "Melvin Gamble. " 186 00:15:15,046 --> 00:15:19,005 - Hmm? - The shamus's name. Melvin Gamble. 187 00:15:25,957 --> 00:15:28,391 You've got a hundred thousand dollars coming to you, Maxie. 188 00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:32,053 - You will be hearing from me. - That's what they all say, handsome. 189 00:15:34,832 --> 00:15:37,665 Why didn't you perform an autopsy on Gil Fox? 190 00:15:37,768 --> 00:15:39,702 - Who? - Gil Fox, the writer? 191 00:15:39,804 --> 00:15:41,931 He'd just signed a million-dollar movie contract. 192 00:15:42,039 --> 00:15:44,803 Oh, yeah. Nobody asked for an autopsy. 193 00:15:44,909 --> 00:15:47,173 There was no family, as I recall, no survivors... 194 00:15:47,278 --> 00:15:49,212 and there was nothing suspicious about his death. 195 00:15:49,313 --> 00:15:51,975 A man with no history of heart trouble suddenly drops dead? 196 00:15:52,083 --> 00:15:56,383 Look, it's a tense world. A couple of bombs and we're all gone. 197 00:15:58,622 --> 00:16:01,147 Could Fox's heart attack have been induced intentionally? 198 00:16:01,258 --> 00:16:03,590 You can induce a lot of things if you know the right recipe. 199 00:16:03,694 --> 00:16:05,958 Don't those recipes leave traces? Why didn't you check? 200 00:16:06,063 --> 00:16:07,530 - Look, Miss- - Holt. 201 00:16:07,631 --> 00:16:10,725 Miss Holt, the man was 58 years old... 202 00:16:10,835 --> 00:16:13,201 and 30 pounds overweight. 203 00:16:13,304 --> 00:16:15,295 He had a heart attack. 204 00:16:15,406 --> 00:16:18,204 In my judgment, that is hardly suspicious. 205 00:16:30,888 --> 00:16:34,984 In yourjudgment, what would you call that, Doctor? 206 00:16:57,014 --> 00:17:00,177 This will identify the forger, hmm, without question? 207 00:17:00,284 --> 00:17:03,412 The results are indisputable. 208 00:17:03,521 --> 00:17:07,013 - I have never been wrong. - It is, after all, a science. 209 00:17:07,124 --> 00:17:08,989 Good heavens, Laura. 210 00:17:09,093 --> 00:17:11,755 I thought you went to the hospital for information, not surgery. 211 00:17:11,862 --> 00:17:13,989 We must be getting close. 212 00:17:14,098 --> 00:17:16,896 Somebody tried to kill me in a highly melodramatic fashion. 213 00:17:17,001 --> 00:17:21,768 - Are you all right? - Except for a few bruises in some embarrassing places. 214 00:17:21,872 --> 00:17:23,772 Our handwriting experts? 215 00:17:23,874 --> 00:17:25,865 Dr. Mikhail Chernikoff... 216 00:17:26,010 --> 00:17:30,037 professor of graphology at the Toledo Museum of Criminology. 217 00:17:30,147 --> 00:17:32,945 He's here on a lecture tour. Miss Alma Torrance... 218 00:17:33,050 --> 00:17:36,713 paleographer and author of Your Handwriting and Your Soul. 219 00:17:36,821 --> 00:17:39,619 And Mr. Victor Beldown... 220 00:17:39,723 --> 00:17:43,489 associate dean of the Graduate School of Criminal Investigation... 221 00:17:43,594 --> 00:17:45,494 at the University of Landsdowne. 222 00:17:45,596 --> 00:17:47,496 Impressive group. 223 00:17:47,598 --> 00:17:50,795 Laura, I'm afraid I've come upon some disturbing news. 224 00:17:50,901 --> 00:17:53,267 Someone else has been assigned to this case- 225 00:17:53,370 --> 00:17:55,634 an investigator named Melvin Gamble. 226 00:17:55,739 --> 00:17:58,936 - Why weren't we told? - Exactly the question I'm gonna put to Laidlaw. 227 00:17:59,043 --> 00:18:02,945 The matter is resolved. 228 00:18:03,047 --> 00:18:05,675 - Unquestionably. - There's no room for doubt. 229 00:18:05,783 --> 00:18:09,514 Excellent! And who is our culprit, our master forger? 230 00:18:10,955 --> 00:18:13,048 Richard Laidlaw. 231 00:18:13,157 --> 00:18:15,717 Ridiculous! It's Alf Nussman. 232 00:18:15,826 --> 00:18:18,852 Absurd! It's Columbine Cooper. 233 00:18:18,963 --> 00:18:21,090 Why did we get three experts? 234 00:18:21,198 --> 00:18:23,098 - So there'd be no doubt. - Mmm. 235 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:26,601 Pay them off, Mildred, with our heartfelt thanks. 236 00:18:26,704 --> 00:18:28,638 Yeah. 237 00:18:41,585 --> 00:18:43,553 Hello? 238 00:18:45,456 --> 00:18:47,947 Out to lunch? 239 00:18:48,058 --> 00:18:51,118 - Anyone? - Take that.! 240 00:18:51,228 --> 00:18:54,789 And that, degenerate hooligan.! 241 00:18:54,899 --> 00:18:57,060 Unfeeling thug.! 242 00:18:58,402 --> 00:19:01,530 Intellectual mendicant.! 243 00:19:01,639 --> 00:19:03,971 Deranged dilettante.! 244 00:19:04,074 --> 00:19:06,440 Take that.! 245 00:19:06,544 --> 00:19:10,139 And that, you fascist swine.! 246 00:19:10,247 --> 00:19:14,707 How does it feel to be on the receiving end, you illiterate thug? 247 00:19:17,421 --> 00:19:19,685 Oh, Steele! 248 00:19:19,790 --> 00:19:22,884 You ever see such viciousness? 249 00:19:22,993 --> 00:19:25,484 A few darts, Mr. Laidlaw? 250 00:19:25,596 --> 00:19:29,726 Oh, not me. That alleged critic. 251 00:19:29,833 --> 00:19:32,233 Syndicated in 200 papers. 252 00:19:32,336 --> 00:19:35,134 Every other critic in the country loved my new book. 253 00:19:35,239 --> 00:19:39,573 He gave it four yawns. Four yawns! 254 00:19:39,677 --> 00:19:43,738 Mr. Laidlaw, why didn't you tell me that there's another detective on this case? 255 00:19:43,847 --> 00:19:46,179 - Another detective? - Melvin Gamble. 256 00:19:46,283 --> 00:19:48,843 Oh! Uh- 257 00:19:48,953 --> 00:19:52,116 Well, we were afraid your ego might be bruised. 258 00:19:52,223 --> 00:19:55,488 - Second choice and all that. - Did Gamble quit? 259 00:19:55,593 --> 00:19:58,960 - After a fashion. - Well, perhaps he and I should compare notes. 260 00:19:59,063 --> 00:20:01,156 Well, that might be difficult. 261 00:20:01,265 --> 00:20:03,756 - Temperamental? - Not exactly. Uh- 262 00:20:03,867 --> 00:20:07,064 Hard to get hold of? Bit of a loner? 263 00:20:07,171 --> 00:20:10,163 These days. He's dead. 264 00:20:10,274 --> 00:20:12,708 - Dead? How? - Poisoned. 265 00:20:12,810 --> 00:20:15,005 Well, why didn't you tell me? 266 00:20:15,112 --> 00:20:18,047 And alarm you unnecessarily? 267 00:20:27,124 --> 00:20:30,616 You know, for private tin, you got lousy hardware on the door. 268 00:20:30,728 --> 00:20:33,720 Finding everything you need? 269 00:20:33,831 --> 00:20:35,890 It's not my brand, but it'll do. 270 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,400 So will you, if you get my drift. 271 00:20:40,771 --> 00:20:45,640 - Don't you ever think of anything but sex? - Not if I can help it. 272 00:20:45,743 --> 00:20:49,474 Give me one good reason why I shouldn't throw you out of here. 273 00:20:49,580 --> 00:20:52,378 You're arrogant, crude, retrogressive. 274 00:20:52,483 --> 00:20:55,748 You're everything I hold in contempt about men! 275 00:20:55,853 --> 00:20:58,913 I'd never let my sister marry you! 276 00:21:08,332 --> 00:21:10,300 I'll get it. 277 00:21:18,342 --> 00:21:20,936 - Mr. Bemis. - Call me Butch. 278 00:21:21,045 --> 00:21:22,945 Do I have to? 279 00:21:25,949 --> 00:21:28,144 Ah. 280 00:21:28,252 --> 00:21:31,119 - Freshened up, I see. - Hoist one? 281 00:21:31,221 --> 00:21:34,384 A beer? No, thanks. Do you mind if I speak with my associate? 282 00:21:34,491 --> 00:21:38,018 - Hey, be my guest. - Apparently I am. 283 00:21:41,065 --> 00:21:44,967 - No explanation required, Miss Holt. - None offered, Mr. Steele. 284 00:21:45,069 --> 00:21:46,969 Well, I hate to tear you away from Jaws IV... 285 00:21:47,071 --> 00:21:50,336 but I think we should take a look at the late Melvin Gamble's office. 286 00:21:50,441 --> 00:21:53,342 - The late Melvin Gamble? - Mmm, murdered. 287 00:21:53,444 --> 00:21:56,743 - Was he onto something? - If he was, he kept it to himself. 288 00:21:56,847 --> 00:21:58,747 Laidlaw said he hadn't filed a single report. 289 00:21:58,849 --> 00:22:02,945 Gamble wasn't smart enough to find an elephant in an outhouse. 290 00:22:03,053 --> 00:22:06,022 - Air between the ears. - Yes, well, I'm sure we can... 291 00:22:06,123 --> 00:22:08,785 stumble along on our own instincts, you know. 292 00:22:10,327 --> 00:22:12,318 I know. Be your guest. 293 00:22:12,429 --> 00:22:15,830 - Sorry, Butch. Work calls, you know. - Hmm. 294 00:22:19,737 --> 00:22:23,195 - You're awfully silent, Mr. Steele. - Mmm. 295 00:22:23,307 --> 00:22:25,741 We're bound to run out of conversation from time to time. 296 00:22:25,843 --> 00:22:28,403 I mean, we're together so much. 297 00:22:28,512 --> 00:22:31,379 And I've never thought of myself as work, Laura. 298 00:22:31,482 --> 00:22:34,007 Not you! This! 299 00:22:34,118 --> 00:22:37,053 Going to Gamble's office when the day is almost over. 300 00:22:37,154 --> 00:22:40,146 Yes, but no need to put it so bluntly. 301 00:22:40,257 --> 00:22:42,521 Plain speaking. I've learned that. 302 00:22:42,626 --> 00:22:46,323 From Butch? Quick study. 303 00:22:46,430 --> 00:22:48,830 Really, Laura. I mean, if anybody ever told me... 304 00:22:48,932 --> 00:22:51,765 that you were gonna be attracted to a man like Butch Bemis- 305 00:22:51,869 --> 00:22:54,804 Oh, I'm rather surprised myself. 306 00:22:54,905 --> 00:23:00,104 Yes, but you're so cultivated, so refined, so- so rational. 307 00:23:00,210 --> 00:23:02,940 And he's so crude... 308 00:23:03,046 --> 00:23:07,380 so demanding, so visceral. 309 00:23:09,286 --> 00:23:13,154 - Is that the attraction? - I don't know. 310 00:23:15,592 --> 00:23:17,526 I really don't know. 311 00:23:30,174 --> 00:23:32,301 Has it occurred to you that Butch's interest in you... 312 00:23:32,409 --> 00:23:35,276 may have to do with his possible complicity in this case? 313 00:23:35,379 --> 00:23:38,815 Has it occurred to you that he just might be interested in me? 314 00:23:39,850 --> 00:23:41,818 Mm-hmm. 315 00:24:00,037 --> 00:24:02,972 New hardware in a building that's up for sale? 316 00:24:03,073 --> 00:24:04,973 Good thinking, Laura. 317 00:24:05,075 --> 00:24:06,975 I must have been preoccupied. 318 00:24:07,077 --> 00:24:09,045 I can't imagine with what. 319 00:24:25,062 --> 00:24:27,997 Laura, do you get the feeling someone's one chapter ahead of us? 320 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,132 Have you thoroughly lost your objectivity? 321 00:24:32,236 --> 00:24:34,136 Who else but Butch knew we were coming here? 322 00:24:34,238 --> 00:24:36,138 He found out a fast 20 minutes ago. 323 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,765 Any one of the Writers could have anticipated we'd end up here. 324 00:24:38,876 --> 00:24:42,539 Come on! If we're gonna toss the joint, let's toss it. 325 00:24:42,646 --> 00:24:46,514 What has that man done to your vocabulary? 326 00:24:48,719 --> 00:24:53,122 You know, that particular booby trap's familiar. 327 00:24:53,223 --> 00:24:55,123 - I'm sure I've read it somewhere. - Yes. 328 00:24:55,225 --> 00:24:57,125 I'd feel a lot more comfortable working on this case... 329 00:24:57,227 --> 00:24:59,354 if our suspects wrote children's books. 330 00:24:59,463 --> 00:25:03,490 You and Mildred and I have our fair share of a crash course of reading tonight. 331 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:06,467 Oh, can you find the time? 332 00:25:06,570 --> 00:25:09,164 I'll do my best. 333 00:25:11,608 --> 00:25:15,908 Mr. Steele, you think you might forego fantasyland... 334 00:25:16,013 --> 00:25:17,913 long enough to pursue our case? 335 00:25:18,015 --> 00:25:20,040 I am pursuing it, Laura. 336 00:25:20,150 --> 00:25:22,050 These are the only orderly things in the room. 337 00:25:22,152 --> 00:25:24,279 Ergo, our killer didn't go through them. 338 00:25:26,456 --> 00:25:29,755 Oh, and look what he missed. 339 00:25:29,860 --> 00:25:31,794 I'm sure he's seen it all before. 340 00:25:31,895 --> 00:25:34,090 Not that. 341 00:25:34,197 --> 00:25:36,597 This. 342 00:25:36,700 --> 00:25:40,966 It's a letter from Gil Fox to his agent describing his next novel. 343 00:25:42,439 --> 00:25:45,465 "A veteran writer teaches a newcomer how to write. 344 00:25:45,576 --> 00:25:48,511 Once the job is done, the prot�g� kills the mentor. " 345 00:25:48,612 --> 00:25:51,547 You think Fox may have been writing about his own future? 346 00:25:51,648 --> 00:25:55,482 And somebody stole his plot? Well, possibly. 347 00:25:55,586 --> 00:25:59,113 Melvin Gamble was hired by the Board of Mystery Writers... 348 00:25:59,222 --> 00:26:02,783 to investigate the embezzlement of Gil Fox's bequest. 349 00:26:02,893 --> 00:26:05,020 He finds this letter... 350 00:26:05,128 --> 00:26:08,188 and soon after, he unexpectedly dies. 351 00:26:08,298 --> 00:26:10,858 Perhaps Gamble discovered who killed Fox. 352 00:26:10,968 --> 00:26:15,667 And instead of reporting it, he tries to blackmail the embezzler/murderer. 353 00:26:15,772 --> 00:26:19,401 - Gamble definitely wasn't a credit to his profession. - He paid for it with his life. 354 00:26:22,479 --> 00:26:27,314 - Midnight oil? - I stayed up reading the collected works of Alf Nussman. 355 00:26:27,417 --> 00:26:30,682 What prison does to the human mind. 356 00:26:30,787 --> 00:26:34,484 - Oh, but I did find a wheelchair attack. - You did? 357 00:26:34,591 --> 00:26:38,391 In the very last one- Hell on a Two-Wheeler. 358 00:26:39,663 --> 00:26:41,631 What's wrong? 359 00:26:41,732 --> 00:26:44,565 I found the idea of the booby-trapped office in one ofJackson Grimm's books. 360 00:26:44,668 --> 00:26:46,568 Save-the-World Bureau. 361 00:26:46,670 --> 00:26:49,366 What about Melvin Gamble? How did he go? 362 00:26:49,473 --> 00:26:51,668 Poison. 363 00:26:51,775 --> 00:26:53,675 Pamela Johns devoted a whole book on the subject. 364 00:26:53,777 --> 00:26:55,677 The Case of the Poisonous Parson. 365 00:26:55,779 --> 00:26:58,873 - That doesn't exactly narrow down the suspects. - No. 366 00:26:58,982 --> 00:27:00,882 - Oh, you too, boss? - Mm-hmm. 367 00:27:00,984 --> 00:27:06,183 I spent a long, steamy night with the complete oeuvre of Butch Bemis. 368 00:27:06,289 --> 00:27:08,519 - Find anything? - I certainly did. 369 00:27:08,625 --> 00:27:12,959 - Oh? - The man makes the Marquis de Sade look like Captain Kangaroo. 370 00:27:13,063 --> 00:27:15,293 Really? 371 00:27:17,134 --> 00:27:19,034 Remington Steele Investigations. 372 00:27:19,136 --> 00:27:21,969 Find anything to confirm your suspicions of Butch? 373 00:27:22,072 --> 00:27:25,041 Well, actually, Laura, if you read between the lines... 374 00:27:25,142 --> 00:27:30,136 look at the work analytically and contemplate the nuances, no. 375 00:27:30,247 --> 00:27:33,410 Well, then I suggest we try to find out who Gil Fox's prot�g� was. 376 00:27:33,517 --> 00:27:36,884 - Ah, yes, his prot�g�. - Thank you. I'll take care of it. 377 00:27:36,987 --> 00:27:39,455 That was Gourmet Galley, boss. They weren't able to deliver... 378 00:27:39,556 --> 00:27:41,888 that basket of goodies to Maxie Delano yesterday. 379 00:27:41,992 --> 00:27:44,654 - Why not? - They tried three times. No one answered the door. 380 00:27:44,761 --> 00:27:47,286 Call the paramedics and tell them to get over there right away. 381 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,284 - What happened? - She passed out. 382 00:28:13,390 --> 00:28:16,154 She's not in the best of health to begin with, and she's undernourished. 383 00:28:16,259 --> 00:28:18,284 What's all the fuss, Steele? 384 00:28:18,395 --> 00:28:20,295 I didn't feel like answering the door. 385 00:28:20,397 --> 00:28:22,365 Mmm. I know the feeling. 386 00:28:22,466 --> 00:28:24,434 You'll be fine, Maxie. You'll be just fine. 387 00:28:24,534 --> 00:28:27,697 Is this why Gil Fox put your money in trust with the Writers? 388 00:28:27,804 --> 00:28:31,797 Because he thought you, uh, might not feel like answering the door? 389 00:28:33,376 --> 00:28:38,177 My daughter and her husband wanna put me in an old folks' home. 390 00:28:38,281 --> 00:28:42,718 - Do you see me in one of those places? - No, not really. 391 00:28:42,819 --> 00:28:47,119 Gil didn't want the little darlings to get their hands on the money. 392 00:28:47,224 --> 00:28:49,658 Maxie, I need your help with something. 393 00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,354 As long as it don't require heavy lifting. 394 00:28:53,997 --> 00:28:58,058 Did Gil Fox have a prot�g�, I mean, someone he helped get started? 395 00:28:58,168 --> 00:29:01,160 Yeah, that he did. Broad never let go. 396 00:29:01,271 --> 00:29:04,206 - Who was she? - Some English dame. 397 00:29:04,307 --> 00:29:08,437 After Gil made that big movie sale... 398 00:29:08,545 --> 00:29:10,979 suddenly she's back. 399 00:29:11,081 --> 00:29:15,484 I heard 'em every day across the courtyard hollerin' about money. 400 00:29:15,585 --> 00:29:17,485 She did most of the hollerin'. 401 00:29:17,587 --> 00:29:19,851 Fortunately, Gil was deaf in one ear. 402 00:29:56,393 --> 00:29:59,089 Miss Holt. What a nice surprise. 403 00:29:59,196 --> 00:30:01,164 Come in. 404 00:30:09,472 --> 00:30:15,411 I, uh, love what you've... done with the place. 405 00:30:19,416 --> 00:30:21,748 Probably seems a little weird, doesn't it? 406 00:30:21,852 --> 00:30:24,218 No. No. 407 00:30:24,321 --> 00:30:26,551 You see, I learned to write in the slammer. 408 00:30:26,656 --> 00:30:29,853 When I got out, I bought this place with the take from my novels. 409 00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:33,123 Big mistake. Couldn't write word one. 410 00:30:33,263 --> 00:30:37,757 Almost had to knock off a bank just to, uh, get back into the right atmosphere. 411 00:30:37,868 --> 00:30:42,168 So, instead, you brought prison here. 412 00:30:42,272 --> 00:30:44,502 Yeah, it cost me a bundle, but it was worth it. 413 00:30:44,608 --> 00:30:47,941 I look at those bars, I do almost 5,000 words a day. 414 00:30:48,044 --> 00:30:50,137 Tell me, who taught you how to write? 415 00:30:50,247 --> 00:30:54,240 - Gladys A. Shutke. - Gladys A. Shutke? 416 00:30:54,351 --> 00:30:56,945 Creative writing teacher up at the joint. 417 00:30:57,053 --> 00:30:59,920 Wonderful woman, Gladys. Big talent. 418 00:31:00,023 --> 00:31:04,517 She'd be publishing today if she had more... raunch in her work. 419 00:31:04,628 --> 00:31:07,688 Now, my work- lots of raunch. 420 00:31:07,797 --> 00:31:10,129 So I hear. 421 00:31:10,233 --> 00:31:15,728 Mr. Nussman, while I was investigating the death of Gil Fox yesterday... 422 00:31:15,839 --> 00:31:19,741 I was almost killed by a flying wheelchair. 423 00:31:19,843 --> 00:31:21,743 Ring any bells? 424 00:31:21,845 --> 00:31:23,836 Can't say that it does. 425 00:31:23,947 --> 00:31:25,972 The same thing happened in one of your books. 426 00:31:26,082 --> 00:31:29,245 Lots of things happen in my books. 427 00:31:29,352 --> 00:31:31,547 Apparently not enough. 428 00:31:31,655 --> 00:31:34,818 You've had four different publishers since you were paroled. 429 00:31:34,925 --> 00:31:38,884 That's either a sign that a writer is on his way up or on his way down. 430 00:31:41,698 --> 00:31:44,428 Visiting hours are over, Miss Holt. 431 00:31:44,534 --> 00:31:47,196 I got another 2,000 words to do. 432 00:31:49,406 --> 00:31:52,273 If there are any more attempts on my life, Mr. Nussman... 433 00:31:52,375 --> 00:31:55,435 I hope for your sake they're completely original. 434 00:32:19,803 --> 00:32:22,704 This area is filled with poisonous plants. 435 00:32:22,806 --> 00:32:26,105 The physic nut, the castor plant, the common tree nettle. 436 00:32:26,209 --> 00:32:29,667 Mmm. You're quite an expert with poisons, Miss Johns. 437 00:32:29,779 --> 00:32:31,974 I base my novels on research. 438 00:32:32,082 --> 00:32:36,542 My murders and my love scenes. 439 00:32:36,653 --> 00:32:41,386 Gil Fox's neighbor tells me that you visited him frequently prior to his death. 440 00:32:41,491 --> 00:32:43,686 Still at it, Steele? 441 00:32:43,793 --> 00:32:47,194 Why did you deny that you'd been lovers, eh? 442 00:32:47,297 --> 00:32:49,788 You know the English. 443 00:32:49,899 --> 00:32:53,130 If one can talk publicly about what one does, why bother doing it at all? 444 00:32:53,236 --> 00:32:56,205 I'm told you and Fox argued about money. 445 00:32:57,674 --> 00:33:00,108 Were you angry that he willed his fortunes to the Writers? 446 00:33:00,210 --> 00:33:03,907 That came as a complete shock to the entire board. 447 00:33:04,014 --> 00:33:06,608 Then why the bone of contention between you and Fox? 448 00:33:08,018 --> 00:33:10,612 Look, I may be going about this all the wrong way... 449 00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:12,620 but I'm gonna get to it in the end, okay? 450 00:33:13,957 --> 00:33:16,653 I was trying to collect a debt. 451 00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:20,161 I supported Gil Fox through his long, lean years. 452 00:33:20,263 --> 00:33:22,231 I paid his rent. I paid for his car. 453 00:33:22,332 --> 00:33:24,596 I paid for his whiskey. 454 00:33:24,701 --> 00:33:28,330 He'd made a movie sale. I wanted the money back. 455 00:33:30,573 --> 00:33:33,371 If you're trying to find the woman in the case, Mr. Steele... 456 00:33:33,476 --> 00:33:37,344 I suggest you look under a big, romantic picture hat. 457 00:34:18,621 --> 00:34:20,782 Plagiarist! 458 00:34:22,192 --> 00:34:24,160 - Felon! - No-talent! 459 00:34:24,260 --> 00:34:26,854 Undesirable.! 460 00:34:26,963 --> 00:34:29,727 You've always stolen my best ideas for your books! 461 00:34:29,833 --> 00:34:32,563 Now you're trying to steal them from the Holt dame! 462 00:34:32,669 --> 00:34:36,696 If I wanted to kill somebody, I wouldn't have to stoop to borrowing from you! 463 00:34:36,806 --> 00:34:38,774 I have ideas of my own.! 464 00:34:38,875 --> 00:34:41,639 Like booby-trapping an office, Mr. Grimm? 465 00:34:43,246 --> 00:34:47,376 Mr. Steele and I were almost blown to kingdom come yesterday... 466 00:34:47,484 --> 00:34:51,113 like the detectives in your Save-the-World Bureau. 467 00:34:51,221 --> 00:34:55,021 She's gotcha, Grimm. You're gonna like the slammer. 468 00:34:55,125 --> 00:34:58,390 I might even give you letters for the right people. 469 00:34:58,495 --> 00:35:00,395 I want my lawyer. I want my lawyer. 470 00:35:00,497 --> 00:35:02,397 Somebody's plagiarizing me! 471 00:35:02,499 --> 00:35:05,297 If you're so successful, Mr. Grimm... 472 00:35:05,401 --> 00:35:08,336 why are you writing in a bookstore window? 473 00:35:08,438 --> 00:35:11,532 If you must know, it inspires me. 474 00:35:11,641 --> 00:35:16,203 Or is it a desperate attempt to drum up interest in a flagging career? 475 00:35:21,317 --> 00:35:26,812 "Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country. " 476 00:35:26,923 --> 00:35:28,891 Writer's block? 477 00:35:37,233 --> 00:35:41,363 Mr. Steele! Had I but known. 478 00:35:41,471 --> 00:35:43,803 Do you have a moment, uh, Miss Cooper? 479 00:35:43,940 --> 00:35:48,138 Oh, I hope my, uh, working clothes don't offend you. 480 00:35:48,244 --> 00:35:51,236 Ah. Gets you in the proper mood, does it? 481 00:35:51,347 --> 00:35:53,679 Atmosphere is everything. 482 00:35:53,783 --> 00:35:56,581 If I wrote war novels, I'd wear a uniform. 483 00:35:56,686 --> 00:35:59,246 This is the uniform of... love. 484 00:35:59,355 --> 00:36:03,951 Yes, and this is the uniform of a private investigator. 485 00:36:04,060 --> 00:36:09,464 Oh, a business call. How disappointing. 486 00:36:09,566 --> 00:36:12,592 Uh- Um- 487 00:36:12,702 --> 00:36:15,796 Tell me, Miss Cooper, who taught you to write? 488 00:36:17,407 --> 00:36:19,307 I taught myself. 489 00:36:19,409 --> 00:36:22,606 Your first book was a worldwide best seller, wasn't it? 490 00:36:22,712 --> 00:36:25,272 I immersed myself in the greats- 491 00:36:25,381 --> 00:36:29,613 Barbara Cartland, Rosemary Rogers, Helen Gurley Brown. 492 00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:34,349 I learned the potent power of printed passion, and then I pounced. 493 00:36:34,457 --> 00:36:38,416 I understand the late Gil Fox had more than a casual interest in you. 494 00:36:38,528 --> 00:36:42,430 Why not? I am but a blossom... 495 00:36:42,532 --> 00:36:45,592 only now coming to full flower. 496 00:36:45,702 --> 00:36:48,933 Yes, I know, but what about Gil Fox? 497 00:36:49,038 --> 00:36:50,938 Disgusting old man. 498 00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:54,134 Always watching me with those rheumy eyes... 499 00:36:54,244 --> 00:36:57,179 stalking me with those spindly legs. 500 00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:01,649 Heaven knows what he imagined in that gin-soaked mind. 501 00:37:01,751 --> 00:37:04,618 That's quite good. Let me write that down. 502 00:37:04,721 --> 00:37:08,282 I, uh- I trust you and Gil Fox weren't... 503 00:37:09,626 --> 00:37:15,064 "ensnared in rapturous tentacles of molten desire"? 504 00:37:15,164 --> 00:37:17,132 Mr. Steele... 505 00:37:18,301 --> 00:37:23,830 what do you think I am, easy? 506 00:37:28,745 --> 00:37:31,839 They all needed money. Nussman's had four publishers. 507 00:37:31,948 --> 00:37:34,712 Pamela Johns badgered Fox so he'd pay her. 508 00:37:34,817 --> 00:37:37,615 - Jackson has writer's block. - Laidlaw's book's on the critical list. 509 00:37:37,720 --> 00:37:39,950 Miss Cooper has tax problems, among other problems. 510 00:37:40,056 --> 00:37:41,956 - And Butch? - You told me yourself. 511 00:37:42,058 --> 00:37:44,390 He lost a whole bundle on that television series based on his books. 512 00:37:44,494 --> 00:37:47,088 - Notice I didn't call them novels. Hoh. - Hoh. 513 00:37:50,933 --> 00:37:54,334 Ah, Mr. Laidlaw, we were just narrowing down the suspects. 514 00:37:54,437 --> 00:37:57,702 I think we can say that we're a mere tad away from closing this case. 515 00:37:57,807 --> 00:37:59,707 Oh, it is closed, Mr. Steele. 516 00:38:01,110 --> 00:38:03,078 The money's been returned. 517 00:38:14,057 --> 00:38:16,685 It doesn't make any sense. 518 00:38:16,793 --> 00:38:20,991 The embezzler tries to kill us, then he returns the money? 519 00:38:21,097 --> 00:38:25,033 Mmm. Well, perhaps it's simply, uh, our charisma. 520 00:38:25,134 --> 00:38:29,571 The Steele Agency enters a case, and the cunning felon quakes in terror. 521 00:38:29,672 --> 00:38:32,197 Oh, please. 522 00:38:34,944 --> 00:38:37,139 Remington Steele Investigations. 523 00:38:37,246 --> 00:38:39,146 Just a minute. It's for you, Miss Holt. 524 00:38:39,248 --> 00:38:42,877 Thanks. Hello? 525 00:38:42,985 --> 00:38:46,113 Yes, Doctor. 526 00:38:46,222 --> 00:38:49,282 I appreciate your follow-through. 527 00:38:49,392 --> 00:38:52,054 Well, if we ever had any doubts, they've been removed. 528 00:38:52,161 --> 00:38:56,063 - Gil Fox's heart attack was induced. - Why? 529 00:38:56,165 --> 00:38:58,827 There must be something about Fox we've been overlooking. 530 00:38:58,935 --> 00:39:02,427 Fox willed his personal papers to the Mystery Writers. 531 00:39:02,538 --> 00:39:05,098 Care to do a little midnight reading, hmm? 532 00:39:14,617 --> 00:39:18,485 Fox's will specifies that this building be torn down... 533 00:39:18,588 --> 00:39:22,183 that the new headquarters be built on this lot and the one next door. 534 00:39:22,291 --> 00:39:27,627 "In memory of my dear departed friend, B. Craven. " 535 00:39:27,730 --> 00:39:30,164 Miss Holt, come here. 536 00:39:32,402 --> 00:39:35,803 The option on that lot next door expired at noon today. 537 00:39:37,006 --> 00:39:39,338 And the money was returned a few hours later. 538 00:39:39,442 --> 00:39:41,342 Maybe somebody doesn't want the new building built. 539 00:39:41,444 --> 00:39:45,210 - Or the old building torn down. - Why not? 540 00:39:45,314 --> 00:39:47,509 Arsenic and Old Lace. 541 00:39:47,617 --> 00:39:50,552 Cary Grant, Raymond Massey. Warner Bros., 1944. 542 00:39:50,653 --> 00:39:52,985 Huh. A couple of lovable old biddies... 543 00:39:53,089 --> 00:39:55,785 poison homeless gentlemen and then bury them in the basement. 544 00:39:55,892 --> 00:39:58,952 Are you suggesting there's a dead body somewhere in this building? 545 00:39:59,061 --> 00:40:01,359 Well, it appears the only reason the money was embezzled... 546 00:40:01,464 --> 00:40:03,398 was to stop this building from being torn down. 547 00:40:03,499 --> 00:40:06,525 But we don't have any unaccounted corpses. Whose body? 548 00:40:06,636 --> 00:40:09,867 Laura, I can only lead you so far. 549 00:40:15,878 --> 00:40:17,846 I'm going to have to get a new set of locks. 550 00:40:17,947 --> 00:40:22,077 - Forced entry is my specialty. - Mm-hmm. 551 00:40:23,252 --> 00:40:25,379 Well, now that you're here... 552 00:40:25,488 --> 00:40:27,854 what do you know about someone named B. Craven? 553 00:40:27,957 --> 00:40:31,552 What's to know? He was nobody, he disappeared, then he was somebody. 554 00:40:31,661 --> 00:40:33,686 Disappeared? 555 00:40:33,796 --> 00:40:35,821 Not dead? 556 00:40:35,932 --> 00:40:38,162 Listen, why don't you... 557 00:40:38,267 --> 00:40:41,259 slip into something a little more comfortable, like your skin? 558 00:40:42,572 --> 00:40:45,234 What do you mean, "nobody, somebody"? 559 00:40:46,476 --> 00:40:48,376 Craven was an old-time pulp writer. 560 00:40:48,478 --> 00:40:50,503 Sold a few thousand copies a year. 561 00:40:50,613 --> 00:40:54,572 One day, he disappeared without a trace. Suddenly, he was a cult figure. 562 00:40:54,684 --> 00:40:56,584 Best career move he ever made. 563 00:40:56,686 --> 00:40:58,916 - Disappeared? - Mm-hmm. 564 00:40:59,021 --> 00:41:00,921 - Without a trace? - Mm-hmm. 565 00:41:01,023 --> 00:41:02,991 Mmm. 566 00:41:06,496 --> 00:41:08,828 What are you doing? 567 00:41:10,500 --> 00:41:12,832 Mr. Steele, I have a funny feeling we've been looking... 568 00:41:12,935 --> 00:41:15,733 for the prot�g� of the wrong writer. 569 00:41:15,838 --> 00:41:18,534 I may hate myself for days, but Arsenic and Old Lace... 570 00:41:18,641 --> 00:41:20,609 is beginning to look better and better. 571 00:41:24,146 --> 00:41:28,446 - What are you doing? - I didn't come over here to watch you make phone calls. 572 00:41:28,551 --> 00:41:32,749 - I'm working! - My broads don't work on anything but me. 573 00:41:32,855 --> 00:41:37,121 - Really? - You don't understand. I'm Butch. 574 00:41:37,226 --> 00:41:40,423 You don't understand. I'm Laura. 575 00:41:46,536 --> 00:41:50,336 - Come on, Steele. - You can't be serious. 576 00:41:50,439 --> 00:41:52,805 Gathering the suspects? 577 00:41:52,909 --> 00:41:55,241 Trite. Frightfully old hat. 578 00:41:55,344 --> 00:41:59,110 It does lack a certain... je ne sais quoi. 579 00:41:59,215 --> 00:42:04,278 - I've written this scene. - Bear with us. 580 00:42:04,387 --> 00:42:09,654 At first, Mr. Steele suspected that Gil Fox was murdered by his prot�g�. 581 00:42:09,792 --> 00:42:13,694 But after painstaking detective work on his part... 582 00:42:13,796 --> 00:42:17,027 he realized that Fox was killed because he was about to write a book... 583 00:42:17,133 --> 00:42:19,829 exposing the murder of his friend, B. Craven... 584 00:42:19,936 --> 00:42:22,803 the murderer being Craven's prot�g�. 585 00:42:22,905 --> 00:42:26,807 Little did the killer know that by committing this second crime... 586 00:42:26,909 --> 00:42:29,901 Fox's murder, he or she... 587 00:42:30,012 --> 00:42:32,845 was triggering his or her own undoing. 588 00:42:32,949 --> 00:42:35,543 By activating Fox's will... 589 00:42:35,651 --> 00:42:38,620 which mandated the tearing down of this building. 590 00:42:38,721 --> 00:42:42,657 And the inevitable discovery of Craven's buried remains. 591 00:42:42,758 --> 00:42:45,659 Bodies buried in buildings? 592 00:42:45,761 --> 00:42:50,289 That went out with secret passages and baying hounds. 593 00:42:50,399 --> 00:42:53,163 So where's the body? 594 00:42:55,371 --> 00:42:58,169 Perhaps the attic? 595 00:43:06,582 --> 00:43:08,641 - No one's cracking. - Forge ahead. 596 00:43:08,751 --> 00:43:12,653 At the time of Craven's disappearance, seven years ago... 597 00:43:12,755 --> 00:43:16,088 any one of you could have been Craven's prot�g�. 598 00:43:17,259 --> 00:43:20,092 I was in maximum security at Leavenworth. 599 00:43:20,196 --> 00:43:22,255 Put a pin in Nussman. 600 00:43:22,365 --> 00:43:25,027 I was with the bureau. We never killed people. 601 00:43:25,134 --> 00:43:28,763 - You had nights off, didn't you? - I was in the marines. 602 00:43:28,871 --> 00:43:31,772 Stationed a scant 50 miles from here. 603 00:43:31,874 --> 00:43:35,674 And you, Miss Cooper- You were Craven's typist. 604 00:43:35,778 --> 00:43:37,803 Well, I cannot but admit it. 605 00:43:37,913 --> 00:43:41,508 I typed my fingers to the bone for him. 606 00:43:41,617 --> 00:43:43,517 That's why I use a pen. 607 00:43:43,619 --> 00:43:47,715 And you, Mr. Laidlaw, collaborated on a book with Craven- 608 00:43:47,823 --> 00:43:52,123 a book to which your favorite critic gave six yawns. 609 00:43:52,228 --> 00:43:54,253 He'd give this one a 12. 610 00:43:54,363 --> 00:43:57,662 And you, Miss Johns, you were the star pupil... 611 00:43:57,767 --> 00:44:00,736 of Craven's writing class at UCLA. 612 00:44:00,836 --> 00:44:02,736 So where's the body? 613 00:44:04,473 --> 00:44:07,738 Somewhere in the walls? 614 00:44:07,843 --> 00:44:10,311 Really. 615 00:44:12,848 --> 00:44:15,510 Maybe we should forget about the body and try something else. 616 00:44:15,618 --> 00:44:18,553 Yes, well, too late to change course now, isn't it? 617 00:44:18,654 --> 00:44:21,646 What we have here is a killer- 618 00:44:21,757 --> 00:44:27,127 a killer who will stop at nothing to conceal his or her original crime... 619 00:44:27,229 --> 00:44:31,131 a killer who has already snuffed out two additional lives... 620 00:44:31,233 --> 00:44:34,430 Gil Fox and Melvin Gamble... 621 00:44:34,537 --> 00:44:39,804 in order to keep buried the secret of B. Craven's disappearance. 622 00:44:39,909 --> 00:44:42,377 So where's the body? 623 00:44:45,414 --> 00:44:48,747 The cellar? Hack city. 624 00:44:48,851 --> 00:44:51,945 Really, Steele, you are going about it all wrong. 625 00:44:56,092 --> 00:44:59,584 - Nervous, Miss Cooper? - I? 626 00:44:59,695 --> 00:45:03,825 Tell me again, Miss Cooper, why Gil Fox was so obsessed with you. 627 00:45:03,933 --> 00:45:08,199 Why did he watch you, stalk you so relentlessly? 628 00:45:08,304 --> 00:45:12,638 Was it because he discovered that you were the late B. Craven- his friend's prot�g�? 629 00:45:12,742 --> 00:45:16,371 Heavens, no! I told Mr. Steele. 630 00:45:16,479 --> 00:45:21,542 Fox coveted my person. 631 00:45:21,650 --> 00:45:25,814 Does that powerful jackhammer bother you, Miss Cooper? 632 00:45:25,921 --> 00:45:31,587 Shall we tell the husky man with the powerful jackhammer to stop digging? 633 00:45:31,694 --> 00:45:35,152 Have you no shame? Have you no scruples? 634 00:45:35,264 --> 00:45:40,201 Deep dark secrets are meant to be deep and dark! 635 00:45:40,302 --> 00:45:44,466 - Good Lord, there is a body! - When will you learn to trust me, Laura? 636 00:45:55,751 --> 00:45:59,016 Where are you? Where the hell are you? 637 00:45:59,121 --> 00:46:01,248 I think we can call that a confession. 638 00:46:01,357 --> 00:46:03,257 Yes, a little over the top, but never mind. 639 00:46:04,927 --> 00:46:06,895 Oh, thank goodness! 640 00:46:06,996 --> 00:46:10,056 It's stifling in here, and the tape's running out. 641 00:46:15,404 --> 00:46:17,872 Had I but known. 642 00:46:21,677 --> 00:46:25,272 - Dig in, Maxie. Dig in. Please, be my guest. - Thank you. 643 00:46:25,381 --> 00:46:29,374 Craven was giving Miss Cooper writing lessons in exchange for her typing. 644 00:46:29,485 --> 00:46:31,385 But she liked what she was typing so much... 645 00:46:31,487 --> 00:46:35,184 that she decided to steal it and publish it as her first novel. 646 00:46:35,291 --> 00:46:39,022 The only way she could have managed that was to, uh, kill him. 647 00:46:39,128 --> 00:46:42,029 Oh, writers. 648 00:46:43,732 --> 00:46:46,895 - You expecting anyone? - Maybe it's the paramedics again. 649 00:46:47,002 --> 00:46:49,163 Maybe. Let me get it. 650 00:46:52,908 --> 00:46:54,876 Laura. 651 00:46:54,977 --> 00:46:58,105 Room for one more? How are you feeling? 652 00:46:58,214 --> 00:47:01,274 Oh, a hundred G's is terrific medicine. 653 00:47:01,383 --> 00:47:04,375 Excuse me just a moment, Maxie, please. 654 00:47:04,486 --> 00:47:08,081 Come here. Uh, I thought you were out with our Butch. 655 00:47:09,124 --> 00:47:11,558 - That's over. - Over? 656 00:47:11,660 --> 00:47:13,560 - Just like that? - Just like that. 657 00:47:13,662 --> 00:47:15,630 - A momentary aberration. - Oh, I see. 658 00:47:15,731 --> 00:47:17,995 I'm glad to see you've returned to the world of the sane. 659 00:47:18,100 --> 00:47:20,000 Not a moment too soon, I can say. 660 00:47:20,102 --> 00:47:22,332 - Is this going to be a lecture? - No. 661 00:47:22,438 --> 00:47:26,772 Hey, you guys, stop sparring. Go into a clinch. 662 00:47:26,876 --> 00:47:29,811 Oh, you don't understand, Maxie. 663 00:47:29,912 --> 00:47:32,403 I like a moving target. Come here. 664 00:47:32,514 --> 00:47:34,414 Mmm! See? 665 00:47:34,464 --> 00:47:39,014 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0